Unintentionally the Deity of Lust
by Archem
Summary: Ethan and Benny become intrigued when a school jock takes an acute interest in Rory.
1. Ice Pop

Just so everyone is aware, Tad is a real character from the show. If you guys remember, in the episode _Flushed_ , he was the blonde guy who threw the pool party, at which they ended up blowing up that green monster alligator that was coming out of the pipes and attacking people. If you don't remember how he looks, I would suggest looking him up, because there's nothing like having a visual while you're reading the story.

* * *

"Jesus Christ, that's disgusting!" expressed Ethan.

Benny also grimaced.

"What?" Rory asked after pulling the red, white, and blue popsicle out of his mouth, confused, with lips stained the colors of the popsicle.

Ethan was grabbing Benny's arm in disgust.

"Is that...really how you eat that?" Ethan asked, disturbed.

"What are you talking about?" Rory asked, not understanding.

Rory took another lick of his popsicle.

"Oh my god, you just did it again," said a disarrayed Ethan.

Ethan grasped Benny's arm harder and hid his face behind it.

"What's wrong with you guys?" Rory asked.

"Um, Rory? Have you ever heard of, um, a blowjob?" Benny started.

"Yeah, I think so," the innocent Rory responded.

"Well, that's what you're giving to that popsicle," Benny finished.

"You guys are crazy," Rory expressed.

Rory licked the seemingly patriotic American popsicle from bottom to top, then sucked on it.

"Oh my god," Ethan reiterated in a disgusted tone as Benny's mouth hung open in amazement.

"You should definitely go into porn," Benny suggested.

"Great, now the jock table is staring at us," Ethan pointed out.

"Actually, only Tad is staring," Benny informed.

"Tad? Tad who's pool party at which we blew up a monster alligator?" Ethan asked for clarification.

"Yep, that Tad," Benny answered.

"Oh, god, he's getting up. He's coming over here. Probably to make an oral sex joke about Rory," Ethan prepared himself.

Tad took a seat next to Rory. Ethan and Benny were on the other side of the lunch table looking uneasy. He raised a hand to Ethan and Benny to say hello. They awkwardly waved back.

"Oh, hey, Tad," the clueless Rory said with a blue and red-toothed smile.

"Hey, Rory."

Ethan and Benny looked on in amazement as Tad was actually being nice.

"Don't you just love popsicle day?" Tad asked Rory.

"Obviously!" Rory responded.

"I can tell," Tad said, then smiled.

Tad just sat there and watched Rory eat his popsicle, which didn't bother air-headed Rory. He simply looked at Tad as he continued eating it. Tad got comfortable by putting his elbow on the lunch table and his cheek in his palm as he watched Rory. His mouth opened slightly as he keenly observed. A baffled-looking Ethan and Benny looked from the other side of the lunch table.

"Psst," Ethan whispered to Benny.

"Yeah?" Benny whispered back.

"What's happening?" Ethan asked.

"I have no idea," Benny admitted.

Tad watched Rory until he'd finished his popsicle and there was nothing left but a stained wooden popsicle stick. Tad took the stick out of Rory's hand.

"I'll throw that away for you," said Tad.

He threw the popsicle stick toward a trash can about five feet away and of course made the shot, because he was a total jock.

"Wow, that was awesome. Thanks," Rory said with a smile.

"No problem. Having these doesn't hurt."

Tad took off his letterman jacket and flexed his biceps.

"Take a squeeze," Tad suggested.

Tad grabbed Rory's hand and placed it on his flexed bicep muscle.

"Wow, that's hard," Rory described.

"Thanks. Hey, you should hang out with me and my boys after school."

"Wow, really? That would be cool."

"Done. Just come to my car after school. It's the Mustang. I'll drive you."

"Great. I'll be there."

Ethan and Benny looked at each other in stupefaction. Tad was still looking at Rory.

"Wow, you're pretty, almost like a girl," Tad admitted, never having noticed before.

Rory blushed a bit.

"Thanks, I guess."

"No, it's definitely a compliment. Wow," Tad continued.

Tad seemed to be examining Rory's face with his eyes. At that point, Ethan and Benny were both staring at the interaction in astonishment.

"Anyway, I'll see you later?" Tad reiterated.

"Yep," replied a happy and included-feeling Rory.

"Righteous. Hey, how about you keep this until then? Try it on," Tad said before handing his letterman jacket to Rory.

Ethan and Benny's eyes followed the jacket as if it was the Holy Grail as it was handed to Rory. Rory tried it on and it looked unsurprisingly big on him. Rory smiled widely as he checked himself out in the jacket.

"Looks great. Anyway, see you later," Tad said before getting up and going back to his lunch table.

Rory continued to admire the jacket before realizing how quiet Ethan and Benny were.

"You guys? Isn't this awesome? Check it out."

Rory modeled the jacket, which on him seemed oversized.

"What the heck just happened!?" Ethan broke the silence.

"Again, I have no idea," Benny spoke.

"That guy's really nice," Rory stated.

"Yeah, nice to _you_. That guy's never been nice to us. I mean, he was never mean to us, but it was like he didn't know we existed, even after we blew up that alligator at his party," Ethan explained.

Benny appeared to be thinking about something

"Rory, why do _you_ think he was suddenly being so nice to you?" Benny asked.

"I don't know. Maybe he just wants to be my friend," Rory answered innocently.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Benny commented ominously.

"What are you thinking?" Ethan whispered to Benny.

"Remember how Tad was looking at Rory while he was deepthroating that popsicle?" Benny asked.

"Yeah, that was weird," Ethan noted.

"Yeah, weird. Weird like Tad may have been wishing that popsicle was a certain part of himself," Benny suggested.

"What? No way. You think Tad was...turned on?"

"I don't know, but I intend to find out. No one treats our Rory like a piece of meat."

"What are you guys whispering about?" Rory interrupted.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot he's still here. Nothing, Rory. Just how cool that jacket looks on you," Benny deflected.

"I know, right?" Rory agreed.


	2. The Hypocrisy

Benny watched with squinted eyes as Rory and Tad talked on the other side of the lunch table.

"Tad doesn't even sit with his friends anymore," Benny whispered to Ethan in a spiteful tone.

"Come on, Benny. So Rory has a new friend. Who cares?" Ethan rationalized.

" _We're_ his friends. Where has Tad been all that time, huh? They've only been hanging out for a few days. All he does is hang out with stupid Tad now."

"That's not true. He hangs out with us plenty."

"I wonder what they've been doing, anyway."

Benny squinted his eyes again.

"If you're so curious, why don't you ask Rory?"

"You know what? I will."

Benny watched intently as Rory and Tad talked like longtime friends.

"Anyway, I've gotta sit at my table every now and then if I wanna keep my friends," Tad explained to Rory before chuckling.

Benny mocked Tad by murmuring a sarcastic version of Tad's laugh. Ethan punched Benny in the arm and gave Benny a look that was clearly supposed to be telling him to be nice.

"Later, guys," Tad said, then waved to Rory, Ethan, and Benny before walking to his rightful lunch table and greeting his jock friends with fist bumps.

"Soooo, Rory," Benny began.

Ethan rolled his eyes in anticipation of Benny's resentful antics.

"You and Tad are getting pretty close, huh?" Benny inquired.

"Yeah. Isn't it awesome? I hope you guys are okay with it. You'll always be my best friends," Rory assured.

Ethan smiled.

"Of course we're okay with it. We'd never be that _selfish_ ," Ethan replied, shooting Benny a judgmental look.

"Just out of curiosity, what do you guys do when you hang out?" Benny asked with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"Well, we mostly play video games, hang out by his pool, watch movies. Mostly stuff at his house."

"Aha!" Benny exclaimed prematurely.

Ethan scowled at Benny.

"'Aha' what?" asked Rory, smiling.

"Uh, nothing. Do you guys ever have tickle fights?" Benny questioned.

"Benny!" Ethan chastised.

"What!? I'm just asking the man a question!" Benny justified.

Rory didn't understand why they were yelling at each other, but he thought it was hilarious.

"Actually, this one time, we did have a tickle fight," Rory recounted.

Ethan and Benny's bickering quickly ceased and they both looked at Rory. Benny gave Ethan an 'I told you so' look.

"That doesn't prove anything," Ethan whisper-yelled to Benny.

Benny smirked. He was trying to prove to Ethan that Tad had lewd intentions.

"You guys had a tickle fight, huh?" Benny urged Rory to continue his recollection.

"Yeah. Well, it wasn't much of a fight because I didn't really get any tickles in. That guy is strong. He had me pinned down the entire time," Rory narrated freely.

Benny and Ethan both look confused.

"Uh, you're a vampire," Benny reminded.

"Yeah, but I have a hard time fighting back when I'm being tickled. Benny, you remember. Remember when you were tickling me and I couldn't get away?"

Ethan's head slowly turned toward Benny, who's eyes were very wide open after Rory's question.

"And where was I, Rory?" Ethan asked, glancing at the guilty-looking Benny.

"I don't know. Benny asked if I wanted to come over his house that day. I asked if you were coming, but he said he wasn't sure, so it was just us."

"Interesting. So, about this tickling," Ethan encouraged Rory to proceed.

"Well, Benny kept looking at me, so I knew he was planning something, then, when he started attacking me with tickles, I knew I was right to be suspicious. He threw me on the bed and started tickling my stomach. He actually tickled every part of my body."

"Okay, I think that's enough! Weren't we supposed to be talking about when _Tad_ tickled you? Let's get off this subject. Two friends tickling each other? Totally not weird. Someone you've only been hanging out with for a few days tickling you? So random. Let's talk about that," Benny urged.

"Well, Benny, you say 'two friends tickling each other', but it sounds to me like the only one getting tickled that day you guys hung out was Rory. Every part of his body, huh?"

"Anyway! Rory, tell us about when _Tad_ tickled you," Benny pushed the subject.

"Well, it was a lot like what you did to me, except we were in our swim trunks, because we'd just gotten out of the pool, so we were wet and everything."

"Go on," said Benny.

Benny seemed more interested in the story now. Ethan grimaced at Benny.

"That's pretty much it. How come you guys are asking me this?"

"No reason. _Benny_ was just curious."

Ethan judgmentally glanced at Benny.

"Tell me more about when you and Benny hung out. What else did you guys do?" Ethan asked Rory while smiling devilishly at Benny.

"Not much. Oh, he did give me a massage."

"Okay! Time to get to class! Let's go, go, go. Don't wanna be late!" Benny interjected while pulling Ethan's arm, forcing him to get up from the lunch table.

"But I'm not even finished with my lunch," Ethan whimpered as he was dragged toward the lunchroom exit by Benny, Rory in tow.


	3. Bad Tad

"Okay, so promise you won't be mad," Benny appealed.

"Mad about what?" Ethan asked in a worried tone.

"I may or may not have asked Rory to bring Tad with him to our sleepover."

"What!? Why would you do that!? You're _still_ prying into Rory's relationship with Tad? I thought we talked about this. And it's not a sleepover. It's a guy's night in."

"Oh, it's a sleepover and you know it!"

"That's not the point! Why would you invite Tad? In addition to the fact that you're totally invading Rory's personal life, you didn't even ask if I'd be okay with Tad coming over _my_ house."

"Oh, please. You act like you're in love with the guy. I knew you'd be okay with it."

"I'm not 'in love' with him. I just don't have a problem with him like you inexplicably do."

"I don't have a problem with him. I'm just looking out for Rory. It's called being a good friend," Benny explained unconvincingly.

"Yeah, I'm so sure," Ethan said sarcastically.

They were already at Ethan's house. They were just waiting for Rory, and apparently Tad as well, to arrive.

"I'll get it!" Benny exclaimed after the doorbell rang.

"No one in their right mind should be that excited to insert themselves into someone's business," Ethan scoffed to himself after Benny had gone downstairs.

Benny reentered Ethan's bedroom with Rory and Tad behind him, then plopped himself back down onto the bed.

"Hey, Tad," Ethan greeted.

"Hey, man. Nice place."

"Thanks. Thanks a lot. Make yourself at home," Ethan invited, while sitting at his computer.

Tad took a comfy seat onto Ethan's beanbag chair. Rory sat on Ethan's bed beside a devious-looking Benny.

"So, what do you guys usually do at these, uh, sleepovers?" Tad attempted to tread lightly, not sure what to call an overnight gathering consisting only of boys.

"We prefer the name 'boys night in'," Ethan stressed.

" _He_ prefers that name. The rest of us prefer not to make it so obvious how desperate we are not to have it called a sleepover," Benny corrected.

"You guys are hilarious. I already like you guys," Tad admitted.

"If you like us so much, how come you only seem to gravitate toward our friend Rory here?" Benny questioned, slapping Rory on the back, which startled him and caused him to smile awkwardly.

"Well, he's who I immediately connected with, but trust me, there's enough of me to go around."

Tad's statement gave Benny an idea. He got up from the bed and sat on the floor next to the beanbag chair that Tad was on.

"Are you a natural blonde?" Benny asked.

He ran his fingers through Tad's golden locks.

"You bet," Tad assured.

Benny continued to rake Tad's hair with his fingers, which Tad obviously liked, based on his relaxed expression. Ethan and Rory were too busy looking at something on Ethan's computer to even realize what was happening on the other side of the room.

"Honestly, you're sexy as hell," Tad whispered in Benny's ear.

He was falling right into Benny's trap.

"Yeah?" Benny quietly responded while massaging Tad's scalp with his fingers.

"Definitely."

"You don't care that you're eighteen and I'm fifteen?"

"Wow, I knew you were younger than me, but you're only fifteen? That's kinda hot."

Benny was starting to think Tad had some sort of creepy fetish for younger guys.

"Hey, guys? We'll be right back," Benny said to Ethan and Rory.

Tad seemed excited after Benny pulled him into the guest bathroom, especially after he'd closed and locked the door behind them.

"You wanna have sex in here?"

"Jesus Christ, Tad. Calm down. I just dragged you in here so we could talk privately."

Benny needed to think of a lie before Tad jizzed his pants.

"Rory really likes you, and just in case he likes you as _more_ than a friend, I can't do anything with you. It's, uh, guy code," Benny explained.

What Tad had failed to realize was that Benny had no real interest in having sex with him from the beginning. He just needed proof to support his theory that Tad was a creep, which was obviously correct.

"Rory doesn't need to know. If it'll make you happy, I can still be friends with him after we hump," Tad bargained.

"That's not the point, Tad. _I'd_ know we 'humped' _._ You have a very creepy way of putting things, by the way."


	4. Unrequited Love Triangle

"Come on, baby," Tad pleaded seductively.

He grabbed Benny's hips and softly pushed him against the sink. Their lips were two inches from each other. He lifted Benny's shirt, exposing his perfectly pink nipples.

"God, you're an angel. I wanna suck on those cute little nipples."

Benny was having a hard time resisting Tad. He was never perceptibly attracted to Tad, but he couldn't deny that he was a good-looking guy. Benny loved muscles, which made him wonder how Tad's abs looked. He still had no intention of having sex with Tad, but he at least wanted to see how that abdomen of his was looking. He lifted up Tad's shirt to reveal his chiseled body.

"You like that?" Tad was asking rhetorically, because Benny's expression made it obvious that he liked what he saw.

"Okay, Tad, while those are very impressive," Benny said while still looking down at Tad's abs. "I still think we should hold off on banging. You know, the Rory of it all."

"Ugh. Fine, but someone needs to find out if Rory has a crush on me and quick, because I want you. I swear to God, I'm gonna plow your sweet little-"

Benny cut Tad off before he could get too graphic, "okay, Taddy Boy. Settle. God, it's like trying to control an animal during mating season."

They finally left the bathroom and made their way back up the stairs to Ethan and Rory.

"There you guys are. Where the heck were you guys?" Ethan asked.

Benny quickly thought of a lie, which was something he was always terrible at.

"Smoke break," he uttered awkwardly.

"Smoke break? But you don't even smoke." Ethan raised an eyebrow.

"I know, but, uh, I saw it as an...opportunity to get to know Tad better."

Benny gave himself an undeserved mental pat on the back.

"Ooookaaaay," Ethan drew out to express his suspicion.

Tad took a seat on Ethan's bed next to Rory.

' _Oh, God. Is he gonna just straight up ask Rory if he likes him? Come on, man. Then Rory's gonna put two and two together and realize that's what we were talking about while we weren't in the room,_ ' Benny worried to himself.

Much to everyone's surprise, Tad actually took a much bolder step and pressed his lips against Rory's, being sure to do it slowly as to gauge Rory's reaction. Rory looked surprised at first, but then closed his eyes and reciprocated the kiss. Ethan was staring at them with a stunned expression.

Benny scoffed internally, " _pff. I could've kissed him if I wanted to. I'm just not into douchebags._ "

When Tad finally pulled away from the kiss, Rory was just staring at him with look of confusion.

"Why did you do that? Do you like me or something?" Rory asked.

Tad grabbed Rory's chin. "Of course I do, gorgeous."

"Wow. This is confusing. I mean, I like you too, but I don't know what way like you," Rory informed.

Benny rolled his eyes. "It's like he's fucking ten," he said to himself quietly.

"You don't have to figure it out right now. Just let me know when you do," Tad told Rory.

He kissed Rory on the cheek, then made his was back over to Benny, who was sitting on the beanbag chair.

"Uhhhhh." Ethan was about to say something, but changed his mind and instead went back to what he was doing on his computer. There weren't even enough hours left in the night for all the questions he had. Besides, if he was honest with himself, none of it was very surprising.

"Happy now?" Tad asked Benny.

"Happy? Why would you kiss him? Now, if he does like you, he's gonna think you like him back."

"But I do like him back."

"Then why the hell were you trying to deflower me in the bathroom!?"

Benny glanced over at Ethan and Rory when he realized that he was getting a little loud.

"Because I...wait, 'deflower'? Oh my god, are you a virgin?"

"Yeah, why?"

"That's so goddamn hot."

"There you go again! You _just_ said you like Rory!"

"Why can't I like both of you?"

"What the hell? What exactly is your endgame here? Do you like Ethan too?" Benny asked sarcastically.

Tad took an inquisitive look at Ethan.

"He's super cute, to be honest. I feel like he would moan a lot."

"That was not a real question! What is wrong with you?"

"Okay, here's the truth. In the beginning, I started to hang out with Rory because of the way he was freaking amazing with that ice pop."

"I knew it! That's just the way he eats them, you perv."

"I could tell you knew because of the way you were questioning me. Honestly, I would've gone after you first, but I didn't think you'd be interested in a guy, but then you started playing with my hair and I was like 'hell yeah. Jackpot'. That's the truth."

"You're such a douche. What is with you and younger guys?"

"God, you're rough on me. If you weren't so cute, it would sting more. I guess I just like how innocent young guys look. I don't know. It turns me on. Is that weird?"

"Yes, it's weird, and we're far from innocent. Well, we are all virgins...but we do a lot of bad stuff!"

"So, now that Rory's out of the picture, you wanna...you know?" Tad suggested.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You don't know if he likes you or not. He said he wasn't sure."

"Fair enough, but I've thought about it, and I choose you."

"You _choose_ me? Who exactly gave you the option? I never said I liked you."

"But I thought you said Rory is the only reason we can't have sex." Tad had a sad expression.

"See, that, right there. That's why I don't like you. Are you some kind of sex addict or something?"

"No. I'm sorry. You just... _really_ turn me on."

"I'm not gonna have sex with you just because you're handsome, because your personality sucks, quite frankly. I mean, Jesus, the only reason I pretended to be interested in you was to protect Rory, but you turned out to be even more of a nympho than I thought."

"Wow, is that what you think of me? Well, I am sorry. I didn't mean to come off that way. I really do like you, and not just in a sexual way. I think you're freaking beautiful, and you're funny as hell, but I'm guessing you wouldn't wanna go out with me anyway, huh?"

"To be honest, I...like someone else."


	5. Lunchroom Delight

Ethan and Benny watched from their usual lunch table as Tad and Rory made out at an empty table in the corner of the lunchroom, endearingly known as the "kissing table".

"Okay, how is this a thing?" Benny enquired begrudgingly. "He isn't worried about everyone thinking he's gay?"

Ethan chimed in. "Benny, it's 2012. High school kids may still have a little way to go, but no one cares, for the most part, and there are a lot of kids like Tad-" Ethan gestured toward the two sucking face. "-who just like what they like and don't care what anyone thinks. It really just makes him even more popular because he has that cool 'fluid sexuality' thing everyone is so fond of going on mixed in with the whole jock vibe."

Benny continued. "And Rory? Since when is he gay? The two things we had in common were our perpetual geek status and love of Erica."

"I honestly believe Rory could fall in love with anyone who's nice enough to him. It's kind of endearing, if you think about it."

"No, it's kind of infuriating and confusing!"

"Whoa! Prejudiced much?"

"I'm not upset that they're gay, or whatever the _hell_ they are; I'm upset because their newfound sexualities mean I'm gonna have an even harder time breaking them up...if they're even dating...what the hell are they, anyway? Boyfriends?"

"Benny, why won't you just let them be?" Ethan asked in a pleading tone.

"I told you; Tad's up to something, and armed with new information I acquired during our sleepover last week, I'm gonna prove it. Of course, I've come to terms with the fact that you'll never believe me, so I'm doing this on my own."

"First of all, it wasn't a sleepo-...you know what? I'm not even gonna get into that with you again. How exactly do you plan to prove that Tad is 'evil', or whatever?" Ethan asked condescendingly, rolling his eyes.

"Look, I never said he was evil, but he is a player. Just sit back and watch as my brilliant plan is set in motion."

Benny patted Ethan on the back, then got up from their lunch table to head toward Tad and Rory's. They were affectionately talking about something, but paused their conversation and both turned to Benny after he sat down at their table.

"Oh, hi Benny!" Rory welcomed excitedly.

Tad looked less excited.

"Hey there, guys," Benny greeted disingenuously, with finger guns. "Can't help but notice you two doing a little mouth exploration over here. What's that all about?" He asked with a forced smile, concealing frustration.

"Oh, haven't you heard? Rory and I are an item now," Tad said, then looked at Rory endearingly to further agitate Benny.

"Wow. Well, then I find it a little strange that you hadn't mentioned this to us, Rory. Any other time we can't get you to _shut up_."

"Well, I really wanted to tell you guys, but Tad asked me not to. He said you seem like the jealous type."

"Oh, that's right. I totally forgot I said that. No wonder you guys didn't know about us. Well, now you know," Tad said, before grinning mischievously.

It was obvious from Tad's tone that he hadn't forgotten about what he'd said at all. He really knew how to get under Benny's skin.

"Hey, Rory. Can I talk to your, uh, boyfriend, alone for a second?"

"Sure."

Rory turned the other way as if it was enough for him not to hear their conversation. Benny rolled his eyes at Rory's airheadedness and turned to Tad.

"Look, _dude_. I thought you were gonna leave us alone," Benny said with a deceptive toughness and a glare.

"Actually, I never said that. You rejected me, so now I'm with Rory."

"Aren't you worried about me exposing you for the horndog you are?" asked Benny.

"Who's Rory gonna believe? His beloved boyfriend, or his bitter, jealous 'friend'?"

"I am _not_ jealous!"

"Oh, I know that, but good luck getting Rory to believe you."

Tad smirked. Benny wanted to slap that smirk right off his face.

"Look, what's your endgame here, dude?" Benny interrogated.

"I'm gonna have me some straight-up nasty sex with Rory, as often as I can, for as long as I can, then, I'm gonna dump him."

"Why would you do something like that!?" Benny whisper-shouted.

"Dude, that's what I was gonna do in the first place. You think I actually wanted to be with that dweeb? I just saw an opportunity for him to suck on _my_ popsicle when I saw him sucking on that one in the lunchroom."

"Pff. How do you know Rory will even _have_ sex with you?" Posed Benny.

"I think we both know it won't be that hard to get innocent little Rory into bed. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to finish talking to my _boyfriend_ ," Tad briefed.

Benny grabbed Rory's arm and pulled him up from the lunch table before Tad could continue their conversation.

"Tell me you heard that," Benny pleaded.

"Heard what?"

Rory was confused.

"Gah! No, no!" Benny emoted, grabbing his hair in frustration.

"What!?"

Rory still didn't understand what was going on.

"I got him to divulge his _entire_ evil plan. I thought you'd used your"-Benny lowered his voice to a whisper-"vampire super hearing, to eavesdrop!"

"Why would I do that? You said you wanted to talk to him alone," Rory explained, befuddled.

"The _one_ time you're not nosy, is when I need you to be! Well, thanks a lot, _Rory_!"

Benny stormed off, back toward him and Ethan's lunch table.


	6. A Regretfully Detailed Account

"Ethan!" Benny exclaimed as he ran toward Ethan's locker.

"What's up!? What's going on?" Ethan invited, startled.

"I have a plan!" Benny embarked.

"A plan for what?"

"To prove that Tad is a lying scumbag."

"Ugh, Benny. This again? I told you I want _nothing_ to do with that."

"Ah, but it's different this time. I was scouring my spellbook last night trying to find _some way_ to prove Tad's guilt, then it hit me: truth spell! It's so obvious!"

"Well, I don't see _this_ going horribly wrong," Ethan discerned sarcastically.

"Just you wait and see; Benny's got it right this time," he touted confidently, narrowing his eyes.

Conveniently, Rory turned the corner and started to walk down the hall toward them.

"Ah, perfect," declared Benny. "Just the man I wanted to see."

"What's up, Benny Rabbit?" Rory greeted, smiling.

"Okay, first of all, don't ever call me that again. Second of all, where's your boyfriend?"

"Oh, the class he just got out of is on the other side of the school, so I haven't seen him since last period."

"Well, when are you guys meeting up again?"

"Probably after this period. Why?"

Rory was surprised that Benny was so interested in anything involving Tad. He got the feeling that Benny didn't like his boyfriend very much.

"Uh, no reason; just wanted to talk to you guys about something," the roguish Benny explained. "Hey, quick question: you guys haven't had sex by any chance, have you?"

"Benny!" Ethan blurted, before punching him in the arm.

Even after all of Benny's recent antics, Ethan was still surprised by the boundaries Benny was willing to shamelessly cross.

"What!? We're all teenagers, right? Isn't this what we're supposed to talk about?" Benny tried to justify.

"It's okay, Ethan. After all, you guys are my best bros. I would tell you guys anything," the innocent Rory permitted.

Rory seemed a bit embarrassed to continue.

"We had sex for the first time yesterday. Well, it was my first time; I doubt it was his."

"What!? No, no, no! Why!? Why would you do that with him!?" Exclaimed Benny in horror.

"I thought that was what people do when they have boyfriends or girlfriends!" Rory responded.

Benny was successfully making him feel like he did something wrong. Ethan was just standing there, mouth agape.

"I can't believe he lost his virginity before us," Ethan said quietly, processing the revelation.

"WITHOUT telling me the details, please explain to me how far you two have gone. There's still a chance for victory here," requested Benny, hopeful.

"Well, we...wait, you said no details. Umm, how can I put this? Well, the first time-"

"What!? The _first_ time!? How many times have you had sex with him!?" cried Benny.

People in the halls were beginning to stare, due to the volume of Benny's voice.

"Would you keep it down!? Everyone doesn't need to know his business," Ethan scolded Benny.

"I'm sorry, Rory...go on," Benny beckoned, reluctantly.

"Well, to answer your follow up question"-Rory seemed to be calculating the number of times they'd done it in his head, which made Benny's stomach turn-"I think four times?"

Rory seemed unsure about the number, which made Benny's stomach feel worse at the idea that the number could actually be even higher.

"As far as how far we went the first time, um, I guess a non-descriptive way of putting would be, well, we were in his room, we ended up on his bed, I was on my back, then he grabbed my legs and put it inside me-"

"Rory! That is the _opposite_ of non-descriptive; that is _extra_ descriptive!" exclaimed Benny.

Ethan shook his head in agreement with a disturbed look on his face.

"Sorry! I don't know how else to tell you!"

Benny put the back of his hand on his own forehead in distress, as if feeling to see if Rory's words had somehow given him a fever. He closed his eyes before continuing to speak.

"Okay, so he... _fucked_ you; might as well just say it, because that's exactly what happened. No point in being scared of the word now," said Benny, taking a deep breath before his next question.

"Did he...bang you, all four times?"

"I thought you said we were gonna use the word 'fuck'," Rory reminded.

"Bang, fuck, it doesn't matter! By the way, you got 'plowed'. 'Fucked' was actually the polite word in this situation, but hey, ya got plowed! Moving on from word choice, did he, or did he not, _plow_ you, all four freaking times?"

"Okay, I'm sorry. I really don't wanna keep making you angry, but is 'plow' only when I'm on my back, because I wasn't always on my back."

Benny grabbed the bridge of his nose while clenching his eyes closed tightly in frustration and disgust.

"Yes, Rory. 'Plow' usually refers to when you're on your back, but I do not care. Let me make this as clear as possible, so we can end this shtick. All four times, did he insert his erect _penis_ into your _asshole_?"

"Yes."

Rory tried to make his answer as concise as possible to not further anger Benny.

"Good. I mean, not good, terrible, but we're getting somewhere," said a now mentally and emotionally drained Benny.

"Also my mouth."

"Okay, _did_ I ask you that!? Did I!? Because I don't think I did!"

"Okay, I think that's enough," Ethan interjected, before grabbing Benny's arm to drag him toward their next class.

"He also licked my butthole, if that helps!" Rory yelled to Benny from down the hall as Benny was dragged off by Ethan.


	7. Abra-Catastrophe

"It feels _really_ good, you guys," reported Rory.

"Okay, Rory! We don't wanna here any more about how great anal sex feels, okay?" Benny rolled his eyes after stating.

It was the end of the school day and Benny, Ethan, and Rory had just walked out of the building.

"The only thing that kinda sucks is that Tad doesn't wanna have sex as much as I do. He says I wear him out."

"That's probably because you're a vampire, Rory. Humans just don't have as much stamina," Ethan explained with a shrug. "And Tad has to do a lot of the work, since you're on the receiving end of things."

Ethan didn't mind discussing Rory's sex life. He was just happy that Rory was happy, and he understood Rory wanting to talk about something that was so fascinatingly new to Rory.

"I guess that makes sense," Rory accepted cheerily.

"Anyway, he's giving you a ride home from school, right?" asked Benny.

"Yep. He always offers. I never actually need a ride home, because of my vamp speed and all, but I say 'yes' sometimes just so he won't feel bad."

"Good, good," said Benny while leering ominously and executing the evil finger pyramid of contemplation.

Ethan quickly pulled Benny to the side.

"Now what are you planning? You know, I'm really getting sick of this," Ethan reprimanded.

"Oh, don't you worry. My masterpiece is nearing completion," foreshadowed Benny.

"Just tell me what you're gonna do, so I can at least be prepared to stop you."

"You may not remember this from earlier, because we've been hearing so much about Rory's blossoming sex life throughout the day that it's probably fried your brain, but I told you that I found a truth spell that I intend to use on Tad."

"Do you really think it's right to be casting spells on your friend's boyfriend?"

"That's what _makes_ it right. I'm protecting a friend."

"Whatever. I'll allow it if it puts this whole thing behind us."

"It's cute that you think you had a say in the matter," jeered Benny, before he walked away from Ethan due to seeing Tad exit the school.

Benny didn't waste any time. While Tad was distracted amorously hugging Rory, Benny quietly casted his spell and the usual twinkly sparkles shot from his fingers and into Tad's back. A very concerned-looking Ethan was standing by Benny's side.

"There. For the next hour, Tad will only be able to answer questions truthfully," Benny whispered to Ethan with a devilish grin.

"I've gotta admit: if this works, I will be genuinely impressed," commented Ethan.

"Let's find out," said Benny.

Benny walked up to Tad and tapped him on the back, which finally ended Tad's hug with Rory. Tad turned around.

"Can I help you?" asked Tad.

"Ah, yes. You actually can. Rory, pay attention. Say, Tad, tell me again why you're dating Rory?"

"Because he's hot."

"Okay, that may have been too vague. What is it you want from Rory?" Benny tried again.

"Sex."

"Okay, you're killing me here, because you're not exactly saying what I need you to say to prove my point, but you're not lying either."

Rory looked confused and Tad looked annoyed.

"Look, spaz. I don't know what you're trying to do, but I don't have time for it," said Tad.

"Okay, okay. Just one more question."

Benny knew he had to get it right this time, because Tad probably wouldn't answer any more questions than just one more, based on his prominently displayed level of irritation. Benny snapped his fingers when it finally clicked in his head exactly how he needed to ask his question.

"Are you _only_ dating Rory for sex?"

Benny smiled in anticipation of all his hard work finally paying off.

"No."

"What!? But you told me...dammit!" Benny stormed off and grabbed Ethan's arm, pulling him away from Rory and Tad. "Regroup!" Benny yelled in Ethan's face as he was dragging him somewhere the other two wouldn't be able to hear them.

"Calm down, Benny," said Ethan. He dusted off the sleeve on the arm Benny was pulling, after he finally let go. "So your spell didn't work. Big deal. Wouldn't be the first time."

"But I was extra careful this time. I even tested it out on my dad. No, something else is going on here...maybe Tad's...also a wizard!" suggested Benny before gasping dramatically.

"Or!" Ethan prepared to present an alternative. "Maybe Tad just really does like Rory. Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

"But, he told me...ah, forget it. I'll figure out what's really going on here myself."


	8. Last Resort

After Benny's epic fail at using his truth spell on Tad, he couldn't wait to get home and delve into figuring out what went wrong, so he ended up spending hours in his room flipping through his spell book and searching the internet. After he'd had enough, he hopped onto his bike and flew to the library. Even the old grimoires in the historical literature section weren't any help, for once. He'd hit a wall. He knew he'd had a lot of mishaps casting spells, but it was different this time. On any other occasion, he could figure out exactly _what_ it was he'd done wrong, but not this time. He really wanted to consult his best friend for help, but he knew Ethan had completely checked out of the whole Tad situation, at that point, so he decided to go it alone, for once. As much as he'd hate to admit it, he was coming to a quite unfortunate conclusion: he was gonna have to talk to Tad again if he wanted to get to the bottom of why his spell crashed and burned. The hardest part was probably gonna be _getting_ Tad to talk to him again. Tad was pretty aware, at this point, that Benny was committed to exposing him to Rory. If coming to the realization that he was gonna have to _talk_ to Tad was unfortunate, then his new conclusion was downright tragic: the only way Tad would talk to him is if he...seduced him again.

After Benny got home from the library, he plopped down onto his bed with a sigh, dreading the idea of even _pretending_ to like Tad. He got out his cellphone and sent a text message to Rory asking what he was up to. Rory responded a couple minutes later, informing Benny that has was playing video games. Benny was glad that Rory wasn't with Tad, because he needed Rory and Rory alone to orchestrate his scheme. He sent another message to Rory asking him if he wanted to bring his video game to his house so they could play together.

About three minutes later, Benny heard a knock on his window. He screamed when he turned around and saw Rory floating outside of it. He quickly ran over to the window and pulled it open.

"Rory! It's the middle of the day and you're floating!? What if someone had seen you?"

"Don't worry, bro. There's no one around."

"Get in here!"

Benny proceeded to pull Rory into his room. Rory grinned and held up the video game.

"Alright, pop it in," Benny invited.

After they'd been playing for a few minutes, Benny pretended that he needed to use the bathroom.

"Be right back," said Benny.

Rory nodded, enveloped in the game. What Rory hadn't realized was that Benny had taken his phone into the bathroom with him.

"Okay, I just need to send Tad's number to myself from Rory's phone, then I can begin phase two of my brilliant plan," Benny narrated to himself.

After Benny had texted Tad's number to himself, he left the bathroom to rejoin Rory. He quickly slipped Rory's phone back by his side.

"Whoops, gotta go again. You know me and my bladder," lied Benny.

Rory nodded again, still too invested in the gameplay to notice Benny's odd behavior.

After Benny got back into his bathroom, he slipped off all of his clothes, right down to his Spider-Man boxer briefs.

"Hmm. How should I do this?" he thought aloud.

He tried a multitude of "sexy" positions as he snapped photos of himself in nothing but the clingy underwear.

"That should do it."

Now that he had Tad's number and "sexy" photos of himself, he could begin phase three of his master plan: send the photos to Tad.

"I pray these do not end up on the internet," he said as he sent the photos.

A few minutes later, a text message reply from Tad: "Come over later?"


	9. Manhandled

After Benny had rang Tad's doorbell, he smelled his own armpits. He had to smell good if he was gonna be seducing anyone. Thankfully, his armpits smelled soapy fresh. He then blew his breath into his cupped hand to check the smell. Minty fresh. The checks were a bit pointless, since he'd taken a shower, brushed his teeth, and even styled his hair more than usual for the occasion. For a second, he almost forgot he wasn't actually there to have sex with the guy.

"Well, hello there," Tad greeted seductively after opening the door.

"Hey there...hot stuff," Benny said unnaturally and finger-gunned even more awkwardly.

Tad put his arm over Benny's shoulder and guided him into the house, closing the door behind them. At that point, Benny was becoming nervous. He had no idea how quickly Tad might try to move. He wasn't even sure if he'd have time to figure out why his truth spell didn't work on Tad, which was the whole reason he was there.

Tad looked down at what Benny has clasped in his now sweaty palm.

"Ah, I see you brought swim trunks like I asked. Sweet. Let's hit the pool."

After they entered the backyard, Tad beckoned toward the pool house.

"You can change in there," he informed with a wink.

After he got into the pool house and closed the door behind him, Benny shook off his nerves.

"You're on a mission. Don't let his bulging muscles distract you," Benny said to himself.

"All changed," Benny announced as he exited the pool house in his swim trunks.

"Cool."

Tad walked toward Benny until their faces were mere inches apart.

"What's wrong? You seem tense?" Tad asked in a seductive tone.

Benny swallowed nervously. "Nothing," his voice cracked.

"You know what's great for tension? Massages. Why don't you get comfortable on that lounge chair by the pool and I'll help you, uh...release some stress."

Benny was still feeling awkward, but now it was becoming mixed with another emotion. Was it...arousal?

" _Oh, come on, Benny Junior. Not now,_ " Benny thought to himself. " _Thank God I'll be laying on my stomach for the massage._ "

By time Tad had come back with his massage supplies that he'd undoubtedly used on Rory, Benny was in position. Tad, looking mischievous, oiled up his hands and began to work Benny's smooth back. Benny was trying his hardest not to lose sight of his mission, but damn that massage was good. He had to admit that Tad was good at seduction. Benny was moaning slightly from his enjoyment of the massage.

"Okay, now I'm gonna flip you over and do your front."

Benny was okay with any position Tad needed him to be in to continue the awesome massage, until he remembered that he still had a boner to hide.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Benny squealed as Tad easily flipped his 115-pound body by his waist.

By time Tad asked what was wrong, the issue was very apparent.

"Whoa."

He was surprised by the tent in Benny's swim trunks. Benny was in a stunned silence. He wanted Tad to say something first, because he had no idea what to say. All he could do was stare at Tad with a red face and an embarrassed smile.

"It's the massage," Benny finally broke the silence.

"Right, of course," Tad played along and put more oil on his hands.

He rubbed down Benny's chest, sure to spend ample time on Benny's nipples. He loved Benny's nipples. He rubbed all the way down to Benny's pubis region. His hand's on Benny's stomach, made Benny breathe deeply. Benny felt the need to regroup with his conscience.

" _Hey there, conscience. So, remember that whole 'talk to Tad to figure out why my truth spell didn't work' plan? Well, hear me out; there's no reason I can't do that **and** fuck the living shit out of Tad, right? Because I am so turned on right now that I feel like I'm about to grab Tad's hand and shove it into my swim trunks. I know he's Rory's boyfriend, but I'm only human, right?_ "

Benny had zoned out for a second, but his inner monologue was interrupted by a feeling of intense pleasure. Benny sat up clenching his fists from the feeling. He didn't need to worry about shoving Tad's hand into his swim trunks, because it was already in them.

"Okay, yep, you're jerking me off. Ho-ly shit. Oh my God, that feels good. Wait, wait. We shouldn't be doing this."

It was difficult for Benny to talk between his squirming and heavy breathing. Tad's hand was making a distinct squishy sound as he worked Benny Junior because of the massage oil that is was slathered in.

"Why shouldn't we be doing this?" Tad asked, grinning devilishly.

He purposely continued to expertly stroke Benny Junior as he talked to Benny. He knew it would make it difficult for Benny to reply. He loved watching Benny wriggle and watching Benny's face turn red from the intense feeling.

"Because...Rory...is my friend," Benny was hardly able to say. Benny's heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. "Oh my God, do you have, like, a degree in handjobs or something. Okay, yep, you're gonna make me cum."

Benny grabbed Tad's hand in order to stop himself from having a major eruption.

"I don't think you were quite prepared to see the finale you were about to be the cause of, but that's neither here nor there," Benny said, his breathing slowly leveling. "I meant it when I said Rory is my friend. I let things go too far."

"What are you talking about? Us hanging out tonight was your idea."

"I didn't plan on telling you this, but I clearly need to in order to better control this extremely intense sexual situation I've gotten myself into. The real reason I came here was to ask you how you beat my truth spell."

"Truth spell? What the hell is that?"

Benny had momentarily forgotten that Tad didn't know he was a wizard.

"Oh, it's an, uh...an app! It's an app, on my phone, and I had it running when I asked if you were only dating Rory for sex, and you passed, when you said you weren't, and I was just wondering how you did that."

Benny cleared his throat. He'd quite sloppily saved the situation.

"You did all this just to ask me a question? You could've asked me at school or something!"

"As if you were gonna give me the time of day anymore after I'd tried to out your true intentions in front of Rory."

Tad shrugged. "You've got me there. I probably would've told you to piss off...look, you've got it all wrong. I mean, yes, obviously, I was using Rory at first...but something's changed. I really like him. That's why I passed your stupid truth test. I wasn't lying when I said I wasn't only dating Rory for sex, because by that time I truly wasn't anymore. The kid, he's like a ray of sunshine."

"As...poetic...as that may be, just _literally_ five minutes ago you had a mischievous smile on your face because you were clearly getting some sort of evil satisfaction from me begging you to stop and you trying to make me blow my load anyway."

"I'll admit that I get off on being kind of a dick, but I feel like we might as well finish what we started. After I jerked you off, I was gonna bang you, obviously."

Benny narrowed his eyes.

"Just wait 'til I tell Rory," said Benny.

"As if he's gonna believe you. You're just gonna sound like a jealous asshole, _again_."

"Just you keep believing that, _Tad."_

"Just get out of my house, spaz. I hope I gave you blue balls."

Benny glared at Tad as he gathered his clothes and walked toward the door in the fence. He pointed two fingers at his own eyes and then at Tad's.

"Don't worry. I'll finish myself off at home," he said before slamming the fence door behind him.

After Benny had walked a decent distance down Tad's street, he looked around before pulling his phone from his swim trunks' pocket and pressing the stop button on the sound recorder app he had running.


	10. The Things We Do for Love

Benny was riding his bike as fast as he could toward Ethan's house. He was laughing maniacally at the thought of finally having the evidence he needed to bring Tad down. Benny was pretty technical, but he admittedly couldn't quite match Ethan when it came to all things electronic. He needed Ethan to somehow edit out the parts of the recording where he got a little frisky with Tad, otherwise Rory would be too busy focusing on the fact that Benny basically slept with his boyfriend to realize that Benny was trying to help him.

Benny dropped his bike onto Ethan's lawn and frantically began knocking on his front door.

"Benny! What the heck!?" a frazzled Ethan answered the door.

"Dude...dude, dude, dude!" Benny exclaimed nonsensically as he shoved past Ethan and started to walk up the stairs toward Ethan's bedroom.

Ethan rolled his eyes, closed the front door, and followed Benny up the stairs. When Ethan got into the room, Benny was connecting his phone to Ethan's Bluetooth speaker.

"Uh, you might wanna close the door. Um, sensitive material, I guess is one way of putting it," explained Benny vaguely.

Ethan silently obliged, now quite curious as to what Benny was about to play. Benny wasn't looking forward to Ethan's famous world-class judgment, but he was doing what he needed to do to finally take Tad down, and that was worth all the embarrassment and shame in the world.

Benny sighed. He already felt his face reddening from mortification. He reluctantly played the sound recording. About six minutes into the recording, Ethan ran over to Benny's phone and pressed the pause button.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" was all Ethan could think to exclaim.

"What the hell's wrong with me!? Tad's the cheater!"

"Yeah, but he didn't _force_ you to let him touch your dick! You could've stopped him!"

"Ethan, that's not why I'm playing this anyway! Just keep listening."

Benny pressed the play button again. Ethan prepared himself for more disturbing content. At the end of the recording, Benny had a big grin on his face.

"Huh? Huh? Right? See? See what I did there?" Benny asked excitedly.

"Yeah. Let me get this straight. So, you let Rory's boyfriend jerk you off to the point where you were about to...you know, ew, just to get him to admit that he started dating Rory for the wrong reasons?"

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds like I did a bad thing, but I didn't know going in that it'd go that far."

"Pff. Good luck explaining that to Rory."

Ethan sat down in front of his computer. Benny began to feel genuinely bad about the way things had gone down with Tad. He never wanted to hurt Rory. He actually was trying to do the opposite.

"Well, anyway, dude. I came over here so you could edit out the sexy parts, but now I'm realizing I need to come clean anyway. Rory's my friend, so if he doesn't understand in the beginning, I hope he can at least come around eventually and forgive me, because I really was just trying to help."

"Don't feel bad, man. I know you had good intentions. Rory's a pretty understanding guy. Maybe he won't react the way you think."

"Yeah, I hope so. Thanks, E. Mind if I tell him here? I may need you for moral support."

Benny made a sad chuckle.

"Sure, bud."

Benny sent a text to Rory asking him to come over Ethan's house. Literally thirty seconds later, Ethan and Benny were both screaming from seeing Rory outside Ethan's bedroom window, smiling widely. Benny walked over to open the window.

"Boy's night! Woop, woop!" Rory shouted after climbing through the window.

Benny wasn't looking forward to souring Rory's oh-so-Rory good mood. Ethan closed the window.

"Rory, have a seat," Benny beckoned.

Rory took a seat beside him on Ethan's bed.

"This reminds me of the time my dad and me had 'the talk'."

"Well, there are some similar elements to come, admittedly," Benny admitted.

"Huh?"

Benny sighed.

"Ethan, play the recording."

Ethan sheepishly hit the button. Benny glanced at Rory's face throughout the recording, trying to gauge his reaction. He watched as Rory's face got progressively sadder-looking as he listened, until tears started to slowly drop from his eyes. Ethan immediately stopped playing the recording, which was pretty much at the end anyhow.

"Why would you do that, Benny?" he asked while looking at Benny with glistening, tear-filled eyes.

"No, no, no! Oh, God no. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen," explained Benny.

Benny was fumbling. He didn't know what to do, so he let impulses take over. He planted his lips onto Rory's luscious pink lips, which managed to changeover Rory's current emotional state from sadness to confusion.

"Finally," Ethan rolled his eyes and mumbled.

"Uh, Benny?" Rory started.

"Yes, Rory?"

Benny hadn't planned his next move.

"Are you a sex addict?" asked Rory.

"What!? No! God dammit, Rory! I'm in love with you, okay!? Jesus!"

The biggest smile started to spread across Rory's face.

"Were you trying to break Tad and me up?"

"No, I promise it was nothing like that. As you heard in the recording, Tad only started dating you for gross reasons. I guess I didn't completely realize that one of the reasons I wanted to expose him so bad was because...I wanted you for myself. I went over there to gather more information and things just got out of hand. I'm so sorry, Rory."

"I know, Benny. You're always looking out for me...and...I love you too. I mean, I thought it was just as a friend, but I think you would be an awesome boyfriend."

"Oh, thank God." Benny fell back onto the bed.

Ethan began clapping.

"I was wondering when you two would take it to the next level. God, it was excruciating watching Benny implode because of your relationship with Tad. He wouldn't shut up about it. Couldn't have been more obvious that he was madly in love with you."

"Dude! You knew!? You should've tried to help me control my emotions, then maybe I wouldn't have made such stupid decisions!"

"If my obsession with Sarah taught me anything, it's that love is never rational. You just have to let it take its course. Besides, truthfully, it was kind of fun watching you squirm."

"You _bastard_ ," Benny said dramatically.

Ethan shrugged, "you deserved it."

"Be that as it may!" said Benny.

"Uh, usually people follow that up with something," Ethan said.

"I couldn't think of anything," responded Benny.

"So what are you guys gonna do about Tad?" asked Ethan.

"I think that user jerk will get the idea when he sees Benny and me making out in the cafeteria tomorrow," Rory explained.

"Yes!" Benny exclaimed before clearing his throat and lowering his voice. "You know what would really make him jealous? If we do all the things, and I mean literally every single thing, that you did with him."

"But how would he even know we're doing them?" Rory was confused.

"...Okay, yeah, couldn't think of an explanation; I just really, really wanna have sex with you...please tell me you're gonna have sex with me like you had sex with Tad."

"Sure. You are my boyfriend now, after all."

Benny was silent for a moment, before murmuring "thank you, Jesus."

"Gross," said Ethan.

 **The End**


End file.
